Sure, you were expecting the weight gain, the back pain and the morning sickness, but no one told you about these odd, deep, dark and (sort of) disgusting pregnancy symptoms. (Don’t worry. They’re totally normal.)
Long Thick Hair
Yes, on your head, but also on your back, upper lip, chin, legs, nipples …
This fun pregnancy symptom will crop up at the least opportune moment. Like when you’re trapped in an elevator with your boss. Very attractive.
You weren’t expecting to be in Swan Lake, but you’re freaked out to find that your changed center of gravity makes you move more like Elephant Swamp.
Dark, Blotchy Patches
If (when) dark spots crop up all over you—on your face, belly, nipples and—you look like you had an accident with the self-tanner—don’t despair! Called melasma, these spots typically fade after you give birth or stop breastfeeding.
You’re perspiring. A lot more than usual. And not just in your pits, but beneath those bouncy new boobs of yours, too.
Second Trimester Horniness
Just a month ago, you were too exhausted for anything beyond watching Real Housewives. Now you’re all about certain areas of your partner’s anatomy.
When you’re not feeling amorous, your patience for DH has up and left the building (along with your waist). He’s especially annoying when he’s eating sushi and drinking a cold beer. And don’t even get us started on when he says “we” when talking about the pregnancy. Grrrr.
Even when you aren’t crying from your mood swings, your nose seems to be constantly stuffed up. Which is sort of good to help you ignore weird symptom #2, flatulence (even though they’re your farts, they still smell!).
Thanks to sciatica or round ligament pain in your buttocks and lower back, pregnancy can be a pain in the butt. Literally.
Feel like you’re doing all your best reading in the bathroom … and never closing the, um, chapter? Slowed digestion and those iron supplements can really stop you up.
Even before you start to breastfeed, your boobs might ooze a yellowish liquid (called colostrum) towards the end of your pregnancy (especially if this isn’t your first baby!). Don’t sweat it. Just go ahead and stock up on those nursing pads early.
When you first bought your maternity clothes, you couldn’t wait to wear them (even though they were so big!). Cut to six months later and you hate every stretchy-panel outfit with a vengeance! (And we hate to tell you this, but you’ll probably wear them for a bit after the baby comes. Sorry.)
Veins, Veins, Everywhere
Spider, varicose … even varicose veins on your va-jay-jay. Lovely.
You’re feeling soooo hot. And we’re not talking Paris Hilton kind of hot, we’re talking camp out in the walk-in beer fridge at 7-Eleven hot. Fry an egg on your stomach hot. AFRICA HOT!